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Compilations by Steve Majewski
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Ponderisms

From an email my father sent me:


Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'.. But it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do The Alphabet Song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Why is it called a driveway when you park there and a parkway when you drive there?

Print | posted on Wednesday, January 30, 2008 5:44 PM

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 re: Ponderisms

I got these in an e-mail and they are spectacular. Thoughtful and hiklarious. If you have more i'd love to hear them.
5/5/2008 7:27 AM | Chelsey

 re: Ponderisms

f you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?

“I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

What hair colour do they put on the driver’s licences of bald men?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

No one ever says, “It’s only a game” when their team is winning.

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went bonkers.

Ever wonder about those people who spend £2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

OK … so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that one enjoys it?
6/29/2008 3:20 AM | Kim
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# re: Ponderisms

funny!!!
! !
^
\______/
( )
7/5/2008 11:15 PM | christian

 re: Ponderisms

y doesn't tarzan have a beard

if a quiz is quizical then what is a test?
12/23/2008 3:36 PM | dani
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 re: Ponderisms

Why dont penguins feet freeze?

If god can do anything, could he make a rock so heavy the he can't move it?

when blind men die, do they see a light?

how can an apple a day keep the docter away: do you have to throw it at them?

how come some computers say press any key? I haven't yet seen a keyboard the has an any key...

why does super man wear his underwear on the outside?

if we have face paint, why don't we have face brushes?

why do some atms in china say "please insert one coin to continue"?

if we have air brushes and air conditioners, why don't we have air shampooers?

how can carrots be good for the eyes? last time i checked, poking carrots in your eyes hurts a lot.

if "swatches" are watches made in switzerland, what do you call watches made in croatia?

6/12/2009 8:10 PM | mack

 re: Ponderisms

why do people point to their wrsts for the time,but not to their crotches for the bathroom.
2/20/2010 7:12 PM | alexis

 re: Ponderisms

There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or Hooters.
1/17/2011 9:34 AM | Maka
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 re: Ponderisms

1. I wonder who was the first person who looked at a cow and say I think I will pull on these and drink what comes out?

2. If quizs are quizzical what are tests?
9/9/2011 6:02 AM | Crystal

 re: Ponderisms

If pitted olives do not have pits, are olives that have pits pitiful?
1/7/2012 8:46 AM | Pam

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